Dear Jessica,
The only thing that brought me the least bit of joy amidst these early snow storms had previously been to see my favorite football team go out and beat the snot out of everybody they played with the exception of the one team they may face again in the Super Bowl.
I don't know who you think you are, and I'm sure you think you had good reasons, but I don't think you being anywhere near the vacinity of Texas Stadium was the least bit helpful to our man Tony. Oh sure - you probably don't think you had anything to do with it...
Blondes often don't...
But all I know is that roughly four hours ago Tony was getting ready to lead the best record Dallas Cowboy football team in the history of the franchise out onto the field. Ranked with the second best ranking in the NFL of 107.7 and seeming at time unstoppable this season and oh yeah - the team was pretty much injury free.
But then you had to go flaunt your blonde locks and dance around in your pink number 9 Jersey. (BTW NFL commissioner's office: no more pink jerseys - at least not for Dallas, San Francisco - sure - knock your little panzy-self out!)
Not only that they kept flashing you doing the "don't my boobs look awesome dance" up on the stupid stadium jumbo tron.
What the heck? I thought this was a home game...
Anyway - after your dance and such pops up on the screen - next thing you know five Dallas players are injured including the man whose career you're now poisoning.
Look I do NOT CARE if he says he wants you to be at the game, hurt him to help him. Give him a kiss goodbye when he leaves for the stadium and tell him you won't miss a single play - while you watch your stupidly huge flat screen that Nick probably installed for you.
Bake him brownies and put him in his bag... leave kisses and secrets on his cell phone... text him on his way to the stadium - but for the LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY - stay the heck away from any place where your statiscally impossible measurements can appear on any screen that will be beamed into the gaming arena OR put on television.
Today it was a busted thumb and causing him to throw the pass behind nearly every receiver on the field. Look just because you may enjoy catching passes thrown behind you doesn't mean that the 'BOYS can survive doing the same thing.
In fact today's game was all the evidenciary proof one needs to recognize that the further you stay away from him in the actual act of playing the game - the better off everyone will be.
My own Lovely Bride predicted the 'BOYS demise because of your sudden emergence onto the field, into the discussion of the Joe Buck/Troy Aikman broadcast, and the in stadium Jumbo-Tron.
And understand - we're not saying this to be mean. We wish you and Tony all the new romance bliss the two of can take. Just take it in Hawaii during the Pro-Bowl - NOT in even ONE MORE game that matters this season.
You seem like a nice girl, who used to have some singing talent, still searching for your direction in your acting career - and we wish you all the best on your endeavors. In fact... why don't you head back to Malibu and read scripts until say the middle of February. Maybe you'll have actually completed one or two by then...
Just kiddin' girl - you know we love you.
But we do need to tell you this - if you even think about showing up to Texas Stadium or any other arena Mr. Romo may be playing in for the rest of this regular and playoff seasons? Well, we will be forced to drag you by your gold locks all the way back to the beach... And as best I can tell that's several hundred miles in every direction.
Plus we may poison your cat, deflate your tires, and write "I killed my boyfriend's shot at the Super Bowl" across your forehead with a Sharpie while you sleep.
Get the picture?
Sincerely,
The Entire Fan Base of the Dallas Cowboys