This week I did a broadcast on the disturbing violence coming out of remarried mother's households. The violence in particular being caused by the new man in the house that is not related to the children whatsoever. You can listen to that hour of the show here.
My take on the entire situation was to say that we need to repeal - for the safety of these kids - the entire idea of "no fault" divorce. Courts making it easy for us to dissolve marriages has many outcomes but none more pronounced than what it does to children.
It made this listener truly think:
I listen to your radio program whenever I'm able to. Unfortunately I'm rarely able to listen to the entire 2 hours. Most of the time I get small portions and never have the opportunity to hear all of your listeners opinions. I would be interested in what they had to say about the subject you raised. Your comments regarding parents suing for divorce under the claim of No-Fault and then suing for custody really got me. I felt like I had been hit in the stomach, because that's exactly the situation I'm currently involved in. It was as if you were talking directly to me. I can't remember somebody saying something that made me feel that guilty, but you did a good job of it. I don't know what I'm going to do from here, but I wanted you to know that what you said has really made me think and re-evaluate what I'm doing and how it's affecting my children...
All the best,
Here was my reply:
I am grateful that you took the chance to drop me a note.
My goal is never to make people feel hopeless. If the Holy Spirit touched you in a way that made you doubt the actions you've taken or are planning to take - I would sincerely pray that you would reconsider and ask for wisdom to deal with all the issues you face with biblical insight.
If you and your wife have the capability of reconciling then I would be ALL means pursue it. If one or both of you are being selfish or childish and unwilling to give up a behavior, preference, desire etc. OVER the welfare of each other and the welfare of your children - then by all means find a good counselor who will counsel you with the wisdom of what the Bible says about how to relate to one another. Also make yourselves accountable to the governing spiritual leadership of your local church. Seek out a pastor or an elder and request an opportunity for you, your spouse, and them to all sit down and talk your situation through beginning to end.
If you seek to love your wife as diligently as Christ loves those of us he calls His bride, then you will be well on your way.
Christopher one of the reasons I am able to speak so powerfully and directly on such an issue is because I HAVE BEEN through a marriage that ended in a "no-fault" divorce filed by the other party - who did not want reconciliation, nor was interested in what was ultimately best for our child, nor our souls.
If that is where you and your wife end up, at the end of ALL EFFORTS POSSIBLE to achieve reconciliation, if you agree that neither of you is willing to be patient and forebearing with the other - for the well being of your children - then perhaps she WILL file for a divorce and then there will be other discussions to be had... just don't let it be YOU who is doing it - especially as "no fault."
I am confident Christopher that the more you follow God's instruction, cling to his TRUTH, and walk with Him in relationship - the more wisdom you will gain on how to love your wife, father your children, and find the meaning that He has for you in the process.
Thank you for reaching out. I have prayed for you this morning, and will more so in the days to come.